gashead.net Brain Experiments

I like to think of myself as an amoral kind of lad.

It would be nice though but?

Her voice calm and soft like a constantly repeating rifle with a silencer.

Tommy was unsure what to say or do Course I do K can't fucking forget the place common ground that was good common ground.

He couldn't decide anything.

This had been in planning for a while.

I am so sorry.

Able to empathise sympathise and distance.

I pass people through it - the new gadgets.

When he thought about it in the split seconds that the cocaine allowed to use he'd spent a great many years among people whose main activity in life was to avoid that question except to ask and answer it behind its subject's back.

We killed people.

It was raining when he drove through Hampstead the colours were saturating apparently talking on all the water they could before the street lamps took over from the weak winter sun.

So I tossed up my options and tried self-pity with God.

Both of you drink water from the tap in the bathroom.

All of us.

After six months when the teething made sleep possible only in the West End flat he'd suggested they get a nanny.

They'd known each other for about ten years having met at a car auction in Spain when they both bid for a 1979 Aston Martin Lagonda.

Kinsey moved a little closer being careful to avoid the chance of inclusion - you could never tell how these things would turn out.

Sam tried again and again to make him look in the child's eyes to take joy in the smile of recognition that warmed her face when sighting her father but Keith knew that this was simply a reaction to familiarity.

Now I understand that you might have issues with this but believe me if we are going to be staying overnight I would seriously advise in favour.

Mick like most of the blokes he knew did not like pushy sheilas at the best of times.

Everything was crawling along the roads until the junctions when everything split at speed looking for lanes.

I don't do drugs I do drink a lot.

Jake seemed to be in charge of the event and was doing the rounds geeing everybody up checking what sounds were working what tunes were called for finding out where everybody had heard about the gig.

He was dressed in a cheap blue and red tracksuit and expensive Nike trainers his face was egg-oval with tiny eyes and no eyebrows to speak of.

All the time he was soaking up the London that appeared around him and the Jag.

Colin told Keith what they put in sausages how he thought it all got there.

The room was small full of fluffballs the carpet apparently shredding itself in front of him.

Both rose from the bed the smaller one acting the coquette much to Salazar's disgust nothing kinky just eat please.

He understood this not by putting himself into their heads not by feeling what they were feeling  but simply by looking at them seeing them smile when they were planning the move watching them argue as they made sure that what they wanted would come first seeing how the boys went around the farm carving their names in here and there.

Once he'd caught Nicky the eldest at eight and the one with the most understanding sitting with Dapper Mick's bully-cross mongrel by the pond crying quietly and explaining to the dog that everything was going to be okay.

What the listeners couldn't see was the Barry had also balled up and enormous right-hander and was wafting it under snooper's nose as he spoke.

One of the parka's grabbed his right arm another his left each tied the scarf tight around Barlow's his wrists.

Tommy was warm he was wearing and open necked dark purple shirt tucked into his light-coloured jeans which stopped just above his white Nike trainers.

He was looking Jamie straight in the eyes.

The speech was along the lines of: I don't want the money.

Carol touched her friend's forehead with both hands just momentarily and made her way back to where Mick was standing.

He thought about lying with her in the caravan near the playing fields with the speakered-up Walkman playing Gabba tunes.

Brian will never even win the lottery.

No wine either.

Teletext said that the time was four in the afternoon and he was stoned unable to stand up even though he wanted to get the to loo.

Frankly him - Brian - him he wouldn't carry this one any further forward.

His tone was honest but he'd stopped crying.

I don't encourage browsing I don't even encourage spending that much.

However I do make my money from the shop.

Fucking hell this kind of directness was astonishing to Jamie who was used to answering questions with single words and was not used to anybody asking him that one.

He'd met Jake B at a rave near Stevenage six months ago.

He would replace the blindfold give the kid a slap to shut him up.

This was no off-the-cuff (spurs of the moment) action born from boredom or the game.

I am heterosexual.

He didn't know what to say to them because all that was going through the bits of his mind that his body was prepared to let him have was a total desire to fuck them both then marry them then tend to them then fuck them again watch them doing aerobics first thing in the morning clad in leotards see them come some stairs (which he would build in the backyard of the bungalow) clad in red evening dresses watch them skydive roller-skate and then listen to them as they told all the children stories and calmed their unwellness with soothing creams and linctuses.

His eyes were brown.

The others followed suit their skins sucked into the mud.

It didn't seem to be worth the grief that it appeared to be giving his old friend though and this was vexing.

He thought about kissing Leticia gently with no tongues kissing her on the cheek and then the mouth.

Kathleen raised with good traditional values would never ever question JC in front of anybody else she'd never scream or carry on but she never seemed to lose out.

The paucity of fact meant that he was going to have to busk the coup rather than map it out in advance.

Brian Bryyyannn is one of the chaps who comes into my shop to try to sell me things.

He'd put Stratford down to the onset of age Kinsey had been powering down in the past six months not starting anything new making pacts rather than indulging in aggressive acquisitions.

They got as far as Love Is The Answer before the bass players laid into Salazar with his guitar flat-side into his chest.

I suppose there's a lot to be said for having a good old chinwag together over the pots and pans at the end of everyday and the kids don't need to get into their homework until later I guess.

What did you do Tommy?

 Kinsey stretched further not comfortably but as if he was trying to push out some pain or other from his chest.

It wouldn't make sense to.

After that they lost the impetus and split up Salazar kept some of the tapes.

Once it was done Razor wandered over to Keith and told him to go and get some help for the poor lad who had come a cropper on the building site I was going to cut his tongue out to stop him talking but I don't think he'll say much.

Brian is a deadman walking but no thoughts of suicide ever mug him mid-beer.

Once in earshot he resumed his examination of his injuries looking up every so often.

He finished his breakfast looked at himself in the faux diamonte guitar-shaped mirror with Memories of Elvis on a plastic plaque at its lower side.

My shop sells electronic equipment secondhand records and computer games televisions you know the rigmarole.

The call of nature lead him to the dunny where he sat ankle-trousered eyes closed trying to carve his way through the innumerable stories he was creating in order to make sense of the pictures.

Salazar only hesitated when he knew that there was no where else for you to go then he would observe before ramming a few rounds from a chain gun into your torso.

This realised Keith was an ambush from the start.

Paul (cousin) Mark (cousin) Angela (cousin) Roger (sort of nephew) Lucas (sort of nephew) Harry (sort of nephew) Marion (cousin) Jackie (cousin) Cherie (unknown).

He spoke about distorted journalistic values and fool bloody questions when there are real criminals out there to examine rather than people who actually gave a stuff and did something about the local community.

At least that what he said and few people were game enough to put the question.

He depresses me more than any of my own internal bad chemistry ever could because Brian just keeps on surviving and I have no idea how.

Suddenly one of them fell to pieces leaving its ribs showing.

Once when I was younger before the relationship problems I asked the deity to let me have love not money.

One journo had tried on the radio in the early years of his ascendancy on the council and was given short shrift.

I'd smiled and talked the talk and thought to myself that this was too much mammon for a young man and knew that I hadn't got this job.

While phone-shouldered and ordering club sandwiches two bottles of non-vintage champagne and some chocolate he changed into a bathrobe indicating that he would like the taller of the two to lie on the bed while the other was to stand naked in the window of the 8th floor suite back to the street.

All that's reasonable holy and rational dictates that the 16-stone wannabe America shit-shoveling shit-eating shit-looking shithead should have turned up his toes years ago.

Even when Ricky told Lucy that she could not go gambling the Casino Royale despite the fact that they were holidaying in Monte Carlo she didn't bat an eyelid except to say That Ricky Ricardo can be a sexist cunt I'm glad Lucy left him.

You don't think it was one of those toilets who nicked the E-Type?

four squares disappeared between Tom's thin lips and were crunched into by his false teeth It was sweet sometimes I think we should have taped it sort of a corporate video production.

He shaved slowly forming a goatee beard grooming his sideburns making extremely sure not to nick himself with the disposable Bic razor a new one.

Lucy was like my grandmother or something she scrunched up into a tight ball ready to ward off any arguments that might come her way.

It's dowdy smelly and does not encourage browsing.

Kinsey felt like he no longer had the faintest idea what had been happening.

They were due to start with a cover of Eye of the Tiger followed by originals called Snake Eyes Woman Craftsman Elegant Whisper Just Gotta Play Be There Girl Love Is The Answer War Of A Lifetime and Retrial dropping in covers of Who's Going to Drive You Home Highway Star and Stir It Up before ending with the self-penned epic Loved Like a Cross of Thorns (My Heart is Killed by Faith).

Or there's the class-system.

I don't remember what you did.

He put his feet into loafers brogues and cowboy boots before finally settling on a sandy-coloured pair of hiking boots.

There's always a reason and there's always something to go wrong.

Breakfast was as usual a small fry-up of eggs bacon and tomato (for health) finished by seven just in time to hear the first drops of rain smattering down on the tin shed rooftops slicing through the palms and ricocheting off the pond.

He felt the money in his pocket: £200.

His funeral was a grand affair with a big-name poli' coming up from down south to show his face and canvas opinion for the forthcoming election.

Jamie Reece sat in his flat in Wakefield West Yorkshire eating his breakfast feeling ordinary chewing slowly.

The stewardess exhibiting immaculate technique got as close to the standing trash as possible without seeming to aggressively invade his space she offered friendship and smiles.

He went upstairs and changed out of his suit and into a pair of dark green cords a black polo shirt and a zip-fronted red fleece.

Keith threw up the first time Colin was surprisingly understanding explaining that this was how humans showed that they were better;

birds and animals were here to show people that they were superior.

I have lost a great deal of money a bad deal Andre a very very bad deal.

I ran a shop at the motorway end or as the older inhabitants called it Meadlow Lane End - cute isn't it because there really was a meadow up there and a church at least there was if you believe them.

But he was concentrating so hard on Kinsey that he realised that more heat was called for.

I really fucking hate everything about you.

Keith turned off the video he was going to leave the TV blasting white noise but it seemed too untidy a little too brash sitting there kicking out chaos.

As he drove the river to his left parted slowly - upstream disappearing towards the sea downstream towards the source - revealing centuries of debris mud-filled hulks sails and footprints.

He's a big lad with a t-shirt a Ford Escort a CD-player and a colour television.

Jake had to move on but suggested that Jamie join him and see how things happened.

Kinsey was skinning up now.

Ideally he would have liked to have been playing online against real people who hesitated occasionally before opening fire or tried to message you with insults-lite or faux threats.

The fact that he wouldn't talk to me much more after this until Christams Eve at least (and this was two months away) the loss would be all his.

A lot of people.

Or if he doesn't than fate will.

But you can't push these things too far never under-estimate the half-educated upper-under-class individual's capacity to play a zero-win game.

AndrÈ Salazar Angela Grass Briony Carl Potter Degsy Fran George Graeme Childs Ian McDonald Jaqueline Le FevrÈ Jason John K John L Johnny Driver Johnny Smokes Lillian Luther Price Mags the Slapper.

But then again I have trouble working out how he learnt to drive let alone how he makes it through a month without starving to death walking into a glass door or simply exploding with the inward pressure of so much thick-as-shittery.

Who knew?

 All that was bloody obvious was a four-wheel was called for while a dishwashing machine was a luxury that they'd done without quite happily for well forever.

Nothing to do even Dapper was nonplussed sitting ready next to the leaning chair and sniffing the air for signs that the wet might dry.

Receiving no such signals he shrugged licked his front paws closed his eyes and prepared to settle in for the duration.

Barry was also a reader a bit of a local politician as well;

known around the area for his stand-up nature and hardline views.

Go ahead sounds important Andre Salzar was a bonded importer of food and wine based in the north of France working out of Cherbourg he kept a large house in a small village 20 miles east.

Give him his due though Sir Barrington never got his fingers too sticky in the various honeypots that always seem to gape open for anybody with a bit of power.

No introspection.

But the stories multiplied as fast as the pictures.

Mick smiled back a wide genuine smile and ushered them into the kitchen which because he always used the same plate mug and cutlery was preternaturally clean and tidy.

Kinsey figured that it was about time that the other lads had a word with Razor but none of them showed the slightest signs and recognising that this might be approaching the Too Far sign.

He wasn't brilliant at this game though he had a great deal to learn about technique he just had nothing to learn about instinct and desire if he wanted you dead he would chase you down until you were dead.

Al Pacino whacks people Robert De Niro whacks people.

To be frank with you Mick not only do I think it's a good idea I'd could also do with a smoke myself.

This was a fucking hell moment.

The battle won they were thinking of their rewards their glory the career paths that defeating the French and the Spanish would offer.

She says that she'll do it on the veranda if that's the way you feel.

Fancy a coffee K?

he asked as he made his way over to the artificial real-log fire cup of tea?

 I'm going into the kitchen to sort out the central heating anyway.

I pay tax.

It seemed to Jamie that everybody else knew where they were going and had their lanes jumps timed to the last possible moment.

It wasn't that they were intimidated or anything far from it when it push came to shove a man was always going to be able to have his say and a good woman would always back down in the face of her man's better judgement.

Is it fuck Monte Carlo it's Italy! I've seen these fucking shows a million times I was brought up on these shows.

Well suited to the modern age.

He was wearing a cerise T-shirt with Metal Merchant Jam Buster written across it in gothic script the neckline was dayglo green he had necklaces of multicoloured beads strung on leather thongs three of them and a silver outlined fish on a gold coloured chain.

Right now Brian (Bryyyyyyannnn!) would filter this one through the survival filter turning the experience into an event rather than a quickly forgotten moment in the rain and grease.

He was aware that he wanted whatever it was that enabled Kinsey a man of such limited talents and non-existent style to live the life he did.

Salazar watched her directly not pretending in the English way to avoid becoming involved in the situation he was enjoying it immensely.

Mick started work as a general hand around the property when he was fourteen had a few tongue-lashings been lectured on the values of hard work Christian even-dealing and not getting into trouble with rought sorts.

Usually he would have shrugged off the rain and headed into the garden wrapped in his battered old greased sowester to get on with whatever JC had planned for him.

What do you think of me?

 He sat up at this point and pulled down his hood.

Mick pulled the rocking chair deep into the veranda and listened to the silence - the frogs wouldn't get going until after sunset.

The footprints began in the middle of the river and travelled in circles he looked again - motion had stopped - and saw the sails were covering bodies their blood flowering out like water colour tie-dying the fabric.

Nothing to do.

Capable of coping with emotional and unemotional situations.

I want love.

And if that doesn't get you well Karma will and if that's no the case then pre-ordination will.

Certainly just because I've killed a few people from time to time doesn't mean that I am entirely lacking in the tabooze of human nature.

Shocked yes.

How much for a new four-wheel love?

.

It was that which attracted him to the lord admiral.

If he was honest with himself the improvised nature of the adventure held some appeal in itself.

By the way it's very calming grass no trash so you'd be welcome to join us if you're that way inclined yourself.

Once in a while one of the bodies turned over as if in sleep.

And weren't sausages Keith's favourite?

 Keith acid throat told him that he preferred steak and kidney pies Razor said: Same thing same thing it's all meat it's all from animals Christmas turkey is from birds even the brown meat.

Game-makers seemed to have grown bored with the idea of levels non-linearity was the thing so he was unsure where exactly he was in the great scheme of things.

The rain came on heavily just as he popped out in Camden Town he checked his directions and realising that there was still a hell of way to go pulled over and parked up next to the markets.

Salzar had taken the bidding to stupid heights Kinsey had followed Salazar had won.

I hate you.

Everything erupted bouncers appeared from everywhere dragged the bass player from the stage and beat the shit out of him.

Did I snore?

 Tell me I didn't snore.

So wiping his backside he loosed a huge sigh and promised never to subject himself to that kind of onslaught ever again.

Percentages for fuck's sake forget the capital input and concentrate on the percentages you dumb mutha-fucka man!

He didn't bother Tom he loved the heat Barbados Jamiaca Iibiza Florida he loved them.

I remember one tall kid we broke his legs like we said we would broke his knees with the corner of that blackboard.

As you do when the pub car park closes in and you know that there's not going to be any follow-up to the matter.

We fucked them up.

So I figured that the deity meant: Look you're no good with relationships go with the money.

It's time to eat now he ordered.

So I picked him up wagged a finger in a hardman manner and headed off to the street.

I can live without money if you give me a soul mate kind of thing.

Salazar wasn't exactly sure what he wanted to do when he got to London.

Sweet.

He asked whether either was hungry making it apparent that he would like to eat and both acquiesced quickly.

Now hunched on the sofa a rapidly dampening joint in his mouth he didn't look as if he could make a decision to save his own life.

I was standing at a bus-stop in opposite Bow Church in the City of London having just walked out of another interview for another job.

Someone a long time ago had told him that charisma was a quality that no one could gain;

all the money in the world couldn't buy you charisma.

He found himself re-tracing his steps several times having missed his exit he found himself ferreting down side streets all of which were so parked up that travel at more than 10mph was impossible.

He remembered a visit to the HMS Victory in Portsmouth he'd hated it the smell the claustrophobia inside the vessel.

Tatty china a dusty television pastel fading wallpaper packets of various fast food and cheap confectionary over-flowing ashtrays and a few videos spread out amid the lads mags and juice-filled glasses.

It was that simple over that quickly.

Her expression from what Mick could tell was not one to brook any refusal this time Naomi would like to smoke some grass.

I suppose.

I talk to God a great deal without of course having any belief in him.

Bet it shit him that he didn't finish the bloody thing before he went though.

Bend him forward fast snapped Razor and then to Stuart I really fucking despise you I told your mum that when I was fucking her last night and she agreed.

It was good grass fresh and herbal rich.

As far as Mick could see the answer to this one was obvious As much as it costs simple as that.

Do you know why?

.

He's too thick he's a moron with more yelping sprogs than braincells.

Unmarried hard refined and a serious maker of money he and Kinsey often swapped apartments - Kinsey's in the West End Salzar's in Montparnasse.

We all hate you.

Up in his room he picked up his messages assured himself that his mobile phone was workings properly logged into one of his email accounts checked two of his websites for access times made a phone call to his chide one of the code monkey's and praise another sat back with a mineral water and phoned his usual escort agency.

Mother Marge cleaned and newspapered bingo'd and TV'd and lived a dream life that comprised mostly Mel Gibson horses nursing and sexually experiencing the Brighton Pavilion.

He looked around him in disbelief that all the work he'd put in over the last twenty years had been for this.

I rely on my people to advise me of that kind of thing.

Six years later two days after his twentieth birthday he'd been the one to run down to the pub and whisper to his boss that he'd was the father of a son.

After a quick tour up and down the Tottenham Court Road to check for bargains - a new hard disk some RAM a copy of Norton Utilities some games and a mouse - he checked into the Stakis on the Edgware Road.

Everybody wants one sooner or later and for a variety of reasons.

Tommy thought about the E-Type: it was a pleasant enough motor it came with the kind of glamour that appealed to Kinsey;

it ran when it was expected to and it was a status symbol of sorts.

Go and get your mum or someone quickly he pressed the penknife into Kinsey's hands having first wiped it clean on the black and white Spurs' scarf.

This game was the third in the series and came with plot as well as thrills.

It didn't sound anything like the suggestions that Razor had put to his prey and it followed Kinsey like a pop song and the seagull's scream.

You should think of me as brutally crippled missing out on one of the sheerly wonderful senses.

As far as he was concerned Nelson was the top boy;

Hardy Collingwood all the rest not only lacked his skills they also lacked his charisma.

Later of course the two became drinking pals and the journo became editor of the local paper.

Mick flicked the old transistor radio onto a country channel and attempted to join the dog in its revery.

Denatured I may also be according to some highly placed sources but the sight of my mother lying naked on a synthetic rug looking like she was enjoying her pornographic capture was enough to make me take stock for more than a few moments.

Not today mate.

 Mallion Marcus Marlon Marty Roth Mickey Breaker Nicky Grant Paul J Paul P Paul R Pauline Fletcher Phil G Phil P Phil R Raymond Ronald Scott Parnell Steve B Steve F Steve L Steve M L Sue M Sue R Sue T Tom (Tommo Tommy T)

He placed his Tag Heuer chronometer on the bedside table alongside a bottle of Pelligrino the Spanish bullfighter ashtray and the radio alarm clock adjusted the quilt made sure he had his wallet in his fleece pocket sat down and began to sob.

God knows how it was coming but it was coming.

Can I look at the paper when you've done love?

 and here it came.

Sure won't be long but JC was apparently convinced that everything was said and done.

I gave up smoking a year.

He'd especially despised the picture of Nelson laying ready to die surrounded by his officers who looked down on him.

He suggested that Jake might like to check them out for later and they got into a debate about the relative merits of Trance versus Gabba one extreme to the other.

Everybody.

As usual he's brought a few Gabba mixed cassettes with him to play in the car.

But that's what I have people for.

Jamie had picked it up at another club in Coventry then bounced around the service stations and phone boxes with his mates.

I was stupid Kinsey interspersed sips of tea with Rothmans drags he made a note on the paper and waited.

The rocker slowly sat down.

We don't 'whack' people Tommy we've never 'whacked' people.

Naomi was turning her long dark hair into ponytails as she sat bolt-up right legs crossed a metre from the screen the remote nestled in her lap.

Bugger it.

What he wasn't able to fathom was how some women could get their own ways even after backing down in the face of their men.

Stuart made a noise a childish noise a whining No.

There were four hulks wooden ships each on their sides prows pointing up stream masts broken.

The two standing behind Jeffers were looking around eyeing up the area ensuring that nobody would interrupt.

He would walk to the boy and with a pair of compasses and carve the word: RESPECT into his left cheek.

The sound of the bricks hitting the boy was also as disconnected.

Brian has no chance whatsoever of anything.

Rather he hadn't decided he was pretending that it hadn't happened.

He had decided not to tell Mallion about the phone call.

You could cheat and look like you had talent but there was no way that you could make shortcuts to charisma.

I like to think of myself as literate in most elements of the media.

Jamie made heavy work of getting to Wardour Street and the car park.

He'll fuck you.

But you shouldn't second guess him.

Carol lifted her head stretched and looked at Mick God I am so sorry she said emphasising the so I hope I didn't drool or anything.

He was so stiff from having lain in the same position leaning on one arm pretending to look interested either in the TV or Tommy that it was painful to sit up straight.

His death at the age of 73 from a simple single stroke while in the pub was local legend He didn't let his stubby go even when he was stone cold on the deck didn't spill a drop.

I am so sorry Carol walked over to Naomi and while looking up at Mick with a look that was more remarkable than anything than had gone before she wiped her friend's tears cupping her cheeks in both hands and moving them gently like a mother to a child.

 

He was nervous about driving around the centre of London and his fear was turned into aggression as he rushed amber lights ensured that no one cut him up and generally voiced his concerns to all and sundry.

He was also known for enjoying the grog and the more than occasional punt on the horses.

So I kicked him.

That's excellent for my sins I'm tone deaf couldn't tell a good song from a bad one.

Mick had known JC's father Barry (or Sir Barrington as we known behind his back) and had seen the lad grow up from a shy character good with a bat and a ball but stuck into his reading until his parents shucked him out on the local oval or strip.

Things went on from there.

I simply like to hedge my bets and on the upswings of the condition he's about the only one who is anywhere near me in terms of ability.

So when Jeffers knelt down and picked up a half brick and passed it to his lefthand lieutenant then passed another to the right before taking one himself it came as no real surprise.

That prayer has always stuck with me because when I did get the soul mate all we ever did was argue about money until the sense was screwed out of it all.

Never once did this cause him to fall into any self-reflection.

After the week on his own the idea of company had started to lose its appeal but the vision of two young women was enough to make him slip into a new T-shirt check his hair and approach the door with some trepidation.

Also it would enable Tommy to arrange for things to be tidied up at work.

Alun's parents were introspective.

And as usual as soon as the words were out his own thoughts were forgotten and stowed away.

And onÖ and on like this for hours.

Andre how are you?

 Sorry to call on a workday but something's come up that I need to talk to you about the kettle boiled and clicked itself off.

Anyway Tommy couldn't be certain that his mate had been blubbing Stratford dogtrack was out in the open there was stuff in the air could have been a bit of torn bookie's ticket could have been some sawdust.

Apparently that's what some people think.

As far has he was aware everybody had been supporting Spurs that afternoon so out came the scarf and the brags about how his Dad could have got him into see Jimmy Greaves how Bill Nicholson was a personal friend how he was going to play for Spurs.

As he chewed on his cheese ham and tomato (for health) whitebread sandwich he looked at the Sony 21-inch TV sitting in front of him.

As he drove he had a tape of Churchill's speeches on the CD player.

At Stratford dogtrack the previous Wednesday Kinsey stood looking into the middle distance quietly humming the theme tune to Match of the Day - a program he'd stopped watching three years before when he had equipped the house with B-Sky-B (not exactly purchase of course more an acquisition).

Before that after leaving school he'd worked in a computer shop but was sacked for fighting with his manager at a party.

But he couldn't stand up.

But in recent weeks the boss had been showing occasional signs of uncertainty.

But occasionally when you're faced with a problem with no obvious solution you have to take a leap of faith.

But somehow throughout all of this she read books.

But we've always used our imaginations Tom we live on them.

Carol lead Naomi from the family room onto the veranda Mick followed and watched as his wonder-woman removed an old tobacco tin from her hippie shoulder bag.

Despite the age difference - five years vast an entire school career - Razor decided early on that little Keith had more spunk (as he called it then without sniggering) than any of his brothers.

Do not cum.

Do you know Tommy he briefly passed the joint to Tommy before taking it back still smiling that some people think that our certainty is a sign that we are thick and don't have any imagination.

Do you understand?

 Both escorts nodded in assent.

Each sensation made him fall in love with her even more.

Even through the rain the tropical sun was taking pains to make pains for him so standing in front of the Kelvinator fridge was a small pleasure but it did nothing to tie up his loose end.

Everybody gets called all kinds of shit everyday of their lives - get over it.

For the first time he could remember he was feeling young and contented.

Frankly he wanted to run to get away go to a pub and stoned sit reading the sports pages drink a pint of lager maybe buy a bottle of something and spend some time in a betting shop.

From there he'd found her collection of stranger unclassifiable books mostly unreturned library editions - she gave a false name address and ID to the library - books like American Psycho Trick Baby A Rage in Harlem Last Exit to Brooklyn Suedehead Fever Pitch.

Fuck yes fucking yes this had given Tommy the biggest buzz.

Give him his due he was a neat little player quick feet and a good left peg he played for the school and area teams but he wouldn't shut up about it.

Having sat Kinsey down Tommy wondered what to do next.

He also likes to take heroin.

He assumed that they were arguing about money or drink or maybe that the woman was saying to the man that they never seemed to do anything that he was always out that

He ate inside with the fans on half-speed sitting in what had been the family room.

He could smell her hair her sweat and the after-taste of some perfume or another.

He could tell.

He didn't like it the joint got too ragged but it was a clean hit.

He didn't realise when Tommy took the phone from his ear and the cigarette stub still burning from between his lips.

He didn't register Tommy leading him into the lounge and putting the spliff into his mouth after sitting him down on the couch.

He drove at a constant 45mph knowing where he was going - Soho a bit of business some chat a coffee - he was prepared for familiar faces the same old flannel the same dance of negotiation compromise and increased profits that he'd been engaged since he left school.

He got on with Colin when the older boy could be bothered to make an appearance usually to get some cash or get away from somebody or other.

He got up leaving the remote on his chair seat wandered into the kitchen still wondering what the obviously very clever argument was all about picked up a brace of juices and came back into the family room.

He had decided to get Kinsey away from town for a week take him over to Las Vegas for a locked-on good time the flight would relax the man and then the sheer life to be lived out of the MGM Grand would wipe away any cobwebs that remained.

He hadn't been smiling much either nor had he been going out except for reserve games or to visit the occasional prostitute - he phoned Tommy on his mobile to tell him whereabouts in London he was likely to be.

He heard the country music in the background mixed with the pinched sounds of the three Mallion children preparing for school;

he smelt the scrambled eggs and ham flowing through the fresh Costa Rican coffee aroma.

He knew that in the new world you couldn't be a racist it made limited business sense all that NF and BNP stuff was fine in the 1970s but time had moved on even for Tommy Mallion.

He lay around for the day and couldn't be bothered to get out of bed.

He lifted his right hand to shield his eyes and realised that it was covered in mud and the mud was peppered with small shiny stones glistening shards lumps of gem which got into his eyes right into his cornea into the optic nerve travelling at high speed;

he followed them in his mind as they moved towards his brain.

He likes to plan cons and he likes to watch them happen.

He looked down and realised that they'd all felt that way from time to time.

He on the other hand thought about it quite a lot when he was working when he about to go to sleep when he awoke.

He picked up the remote control and flicked on a channel that was showing two people one fiery woman one white-haired man arguing with each other in black and white.

He remembered that photographic red-eye was caused by the camera seeing straight through the optic nerve into the back of the head red-eye was blood.

He sat and muttered to himself as he flipped away from Excel and launched what looked like a C programming application but turned out to be a sequencer.

He sat in the back seat of his Mercedes Benz and scoured his laptop for all the information he'd stored on Mr Keith M Kinsey.

He sat looking at the weed it looked sumptuous it seemed to be oozing oil he didn't want to add the tobacco when he was in the USA he'd smoked tiny joints free of tobacco passed around within a roachclip.

He sat transfixed by the tapestry unfolding in front of him unable to think for half-an-hour until his eyes could hold no more or rather his bladder.

He shut down the laptop closed its lid and folded his arms.

He stopped the car on Parliament Square and walked back to the Embankment.

He thought about bringing him to a warehouse in Ilford for examination.

He tried to find something to talk to Kinsey about.

He tried to get me to have a bash when we moved to our second job - he claimed that it would lead to a greater mutual understanding and also provide me with much needed motivation to make the cash that we both loved.

He turned to his phone book and made another call this time to Spain then another to Suffolk except he dialled a wrong number but kept screaming.

He walked back into the sitting room to find Kinsey foetal scrunched into the corner of the sofa his head buried in his hands sick pooled in front of him.

He was a clogger himself when he wasn't being brushed off the ball by younger kids kids like Barlow.

He was aware that Kinsey was stoned immobile incapable of doing any damage to himself or the business and this was a comfort to him as he prepared tea and toasted cheese sprinkled with dried oregano.

He was going to meet Jake B in his flat on Berwick Street parking had been arranged in advance.

He was going to take the DJ'ing seriously and had already tried to get some dates set up.

He was thinking about the money and being in London.

He wasn't one for too many theatrics but occasionally he appreciated the chance to play the part.

He went out to wet it's head got caught up in a birthday bash went on to a house party and found himself unable to do or to want to do anything the next day when he should have been playing football.

Head of the household strategist of the family's circled wagons wastrel ogre and absentee abuser.

He'd already decided to get a new flat in Leeds somewhere near the Corn Exchange.

He'd been to see Tottenham-poncing-Hotspur twice that season he had programs and a scarf that he wore occasionally and should have known better.

He'd bought some lager and shoved the shorter man in the back suggested a tip for the next race and they'd moved on.

He'd invite a few guests along people he wanted to do business with and who might appreciate a small show of strength.

He'd moved onto true crime a place he enjoyed reading and re-reading the Krays' biography Hyndley and Brady the Richardsons.

Her face topping a long neck was square with a strong chin and round blue eyes.

He's got olivey skin with a brown birthmark or mole on his left cheek.

His mum had a wide selection of detective fiction thrillers books that made him laugh books with detective priests hard-bitten American private eyes drunken English academics old women.

His voice was ripped to pieces loud and vile to himself so loud that he didn't hear Tommy walking into the kitchen having let himself in with his spare set of keys.

Hours passed Mick was petrified stuck in the same position that he'd been in when Carol fell asleep on him.

However this black kid didn't benefit from Tommy's new capitalist liberalism he caught the full force he cried his eyes out.

However what we could do we did well.

I am starting to think that maybe we didn't go he formed a roach from the cardboard backing on the packet of kingsized red Rizzla paper and placed it on the the lefthand end of the proto-spliff.

I am totally unskilled.

I don't know about that Keith.

I found his notes on a park bench.

I thought he was trying to fuck me and then control the supply.

I was the aid worker who'd seen it all in Senegal or Cambudidiliia or whereever.

I would like you he looked toward the window to go down on you he looked at the bed quietly please I would like to watch the news.

I'd come to Mr Hughe's attention via a mutual friend called Paul Gorse who smoked too much hashish and confused the delivery of beans on toast with some kind of trust thing.

If he'd ever been given a right to use the word - or the feeling - he would have told himself that with no kids to look after with no gardens to make look pretty and with no errands to run he had retired.

If you think you are going to cum stop and swap.

I'm sorry mate but this is bang out of order it's too late you can't change it you can't undo any of the damage alls you're doing is damaging yourself and that will damage the rest of us.

I'm sorry the phone went dead and Kinsey was left in his kitchen.

In fact he'd found out a great deal about his mother when snuffling through her books he'd never realised that she read so much.

In Salazar's experience and the facts supported this Kinsey was an unimaginative minor gangster who lacked the basic emotional capabilities to be storm-turned by any kind of mental turmoil.

In the great scheme of things which Mick rarely ever considered there was nothing to do.

Incapable.

It all helped to cause distress and maximise low self-confidence all that out of the ordinary Kinsey had seen this somewhere.

It became the event that confirmed the holiday.

It had been delivered on CD-ROM a year previously loaded onto a secure hard disk and was only ever updated by him A deep wound then?

 But not fatal?

.

It seemed that Razor had a real substantial problem with that left peg and its effectiveness.

It was standalone unlinked to any Intranet definitely not linked to the Internet.

It was the in-tune quite delicate humming and the blank staring that had got to him.

It was this skill that convinced us that we were heading into the golden land that sooner or later is ensured of life-long security.

It wasn't that he didn't realise that the remote control was forcing the image parade it was simply that he was carried away with trying to make the disconnected lives link together somehow.

It would be July the air still rotting.

It would be three o'clock in the morning when the voice arrived blindfolded in T-shirt and boxer.

Its chrome had been polished its tyres changed its plugs cleaned its oil changed its bearings greased its alternator upgraded its wheels balanced its windows cleaned and its timing improved.

I've been trying to find us in the crowd at West Ham Tommo.

I've been watching those videos for weeks trying to see if we were in there.

I've worked with Mr Hughes before on a small con in Winchester.

Jamie pulled a quarter bottle of White Cane rum out of his jacket pocket and opened it took a swig and offered the bottle to Jake who refused it by not taking it.

Jamie was going to be sad to give it back but for £1 000 purely to take it up to Dewsbury garage it ensure that the work was done on time and then drive it back down he wasn't complaining.

Jeesus when gossip gets out of hand and eventually finds its way back to the butt things can get awfully frustrating.

Keith don't you have meetings today?

 Aren't you supposed to be in Wardour Street?

Tommy was standing behind Kinsey looking down on the back of his greying hair no bald patches yet.

Kinsey could see Tommy in his boxers and T-shirt coffee in hand waking from his regular three-hour sleep.

Kinsey grunted he was controlling his stomach and even a slight effort took valuable brain time away from the task in hand.

Kinsey had stayed with a chunk of the Jeffers clan in their caravans down at Bracklesham Bay for two weeks every year since he was four.

Kinsey looked you in the eye sized you up acted on instinct kept his hands in his pockets or at his side.

Kinsey said I takes leaps of faith mate if the road looks blocked then maybe there's something in the obstruction that you can use to your advantage or maybe you just take another road or maybe you cancel the journey it all depends.

Kinsey started pouring the boiling water on the bags.

Kinsey started to cry again filling Tommy with a confused feeling that he should do something.

Kinsey was a thinker though ever since school he'd been capable of doing weird stuff in order to get things done.

Kinsey was really not concentrating on any of this he'd had this conversation before many times.

Lately however the boss had been keeping everything to himself explaining nothing.

Let them wait Keith you don't call me up like this after six months and then want to go away again immediately.

Let's get you up mate let's clean you off.

Living alone since the death of his mother and being bored with the television he'd been reading a great deal.

Meaningless I know if you look too deeply into the definition of the word skill but nevertheless it's the kind of loop that has kept my condition running along all these years.

Mick yelled back Monte Carlo they're in Monte Carlo he nodded towards the Kelvinator I don't have any chips I've got Twisties Carol is it?

 And drawn by the combination of fragrant female and DesiLu he decided the leave the confrontation for half an hour and soak up the show.

More than a wound?

 Andre was looking at a database on his PC as he talked.

Most people who encountered him never thought about Mick and sex he was seen as an asexual beast someone who ploughed on from day to day concerned with the thing of nature or the spirit of the land.

Mr Hughes is a tall tall man and skinny.

My dear old dad's.

My father's.

Neither had come from families versed in articulation there was really no need when your life-choice options were based on wanting finding getting keeping.

No I didn't they were in the top left draw of his desk in our sitting room.

No one else was supposed to see these moments moments when everything fell into nothingness when all you wanted was for someone else to come along and make everything work.

No this wouldn't be a DIY lesson this would be a lesson in manners.

No you go ahead there's some chairs out there you just go ahead as usual the affirmation came out of his mouth before he'd had the chance to Marshal his own thoughts into action.

Nor would he shut up about how he was going to college.

Not that the Lear-jets were revving on approach or the expensive German cars gunning outside the offices.

Not to each other.

Not to their neighbours.

Nothing he had on file suggested the kind of breakdown that Kinsey sounded like he was experiencing.

Of course this also meant that neither Marge nor David could think themselves into aspiring to a greater expression.

Oh for fuck's sake Keith if this is all about your fucking conscience then we may as well fuck off to the boozer and get it out of our systems there.

On the short journey over the Kinsey's he made some phone calls more in hope than in expectation.

People didn't get that stoned on grass or booze without wanting this.

Pie & Peas Sausage and Mash Tofu (hates) Jelly Rice Pudding Steak chips turkey sprouts pizza strawberry Hagen Daz Lion Bar.

Razor Jeffers was stamping his left foot in some rhythm up and down up and down down spitting at Barlow about how he was always lying to everybody and how a little Yid bastard like him was only ever picked for anything because of his left foot.

Right it was the sport was good but the rest of it was bollocks that's why I stopped going.

Right now he was circling work checking things out running errands for people.

Salazar looked again.

Salazar looked on the small guy turned and smiled looked back at the computer looked along the plane to make sure that his compadre was still sitting and deleted the song that was on screen.

School of hard knocks isn't it Tom?

 University of life?

 We didn't even learn from our own families we were that hard.

Seconds later the smaller guy rose took the computer and moved to an empty seat adjacent to Salazar.

She came away from the fridge with a plate of his boiled sliced ham two onions and a capsicum Do you have any rice?

 Some paprika?

 Coriander?

 Armed with the food she looked to Mick like an ideal version of what his future could be.

She didn't seem the type she liked a drink went out wasn't a wall flower didn't hide what she felt liked to get involved drove his father away tapped him with her wooden stirring spoon organised the finances took the hard line on most things.

She reminded him of a woman from a film some film with Bogart or Spencer Tracey or John Wayne.

She was above and beyond head and shoulder above and beyond anybody he'd seen in real life or telly life and she was smart with it.

She was slightly shorter than him maybe five-foot ten slim but not hard with long legs and healthy muscled thighs tapering over burnt knees to smooth calves.

Sitting down the channels broke past his eyes in rapid succession;

footy wild animals golf weirdly coloured maps of the country and of other countries square-jawed dark-haired men in suits mouthing seriously then casting smiles at unnaturally attractive women;

more footy more movies cartoon runty dogs hitting idiot looking dog-looking cats with blue frying pans;

yellow people with blue hair;

more footy;

tanks exploding shells over the heads of poor cold gypsy people;

food;

burgers and smiling people hot-dogs;

curtains tiles sales more sales;

cars on mountains cars driving through fires;

women jumping and dancing in slow motion;

dollar signs;

babies laughing babies kissing other babies;

more cartoons more footy;

horse-racing surfing;

people having sex with each other.

So he sat and thought about Bunyips until he'd scared himself enough and it was time for him to start thinking about lunch or dinner or whatever name he didn't really need to give to his midday meal any longer.

So I said: Fuck off really I don't have time for this.

So they broke his left leg.

So we're just sitting here waiting to see what comes along dreaming dreams of former glories when words like leverage actually carried some meaning outside of engineering.

Sometimes he cursed himself for his inability to remember details from films and all that guff but it had never served him much use so maybe that was why he'd never really bothered with it.

Still thought the big man time moves on we change a little with age maybe Kinsey was thinking about the 1980 final.

Stop being so fucking twee.

Stuart Barlow had been mouthing off about Spurs this and Spurs that he was 12 the son of an insurance salesman all airs and graces.

Stuart was moaning Kinsey discovered that many people do this under physical duress they don't scream much they moan almost as if screaming would add to the pain while moaning would soothe it.

Tell me about the trouble Salazar closed the database took a glass of water and sat back.

That was how he assumed Kinsey felt.

That's why made our territories made certain of them sure that we knew them better than a fucking taxi driver.

The accent was one that Keith recognised from the television the glassy side of posh not the diamond side.

The boss had obviously been crying out loud and the more he looked at him the more he realised that the other bits and pieces he'd noticed in the last two or three months were probably maybe part of it.

The chances of anybody admitting to anything were slim.

The channels went on the numbers in the top right of the screen mounting from one to 70 and then rolling around again.

The con was a simple one that revolved around charitable contributions to an overseas fund for poor children.

The converse was true in fact.

The days moved on through storms and nights walks with Dapper and meals in front of the silent TV.

The E-Type Jaguar had a new CD player fitted it had been resprayed to an even whiter white.

The E-Type was a manual and he had control.

The KGB used to lift people from their homes their places of security early in the morning in their nightwear blindfolded.

The last job that he'd had was babysitting for his sister for which he was paid £5 off his rent.

The last time they'd met in London they'd gone to some interminable musical show eaten a Chinese meal in China Town drank a few pints of execrable English beer at a pub called of all things The Red Lion and taken a black taxi back to Kinsey's apartment.

The lights and the oxygen feed are leaving with them.

The mud and gems hit his brain strangely with a thud that resonated out and into the river causing its bed to rupture and swallow its own contents with a deep greasy sigh.

The numbness of this arms made him feel that he was becoming part of her.

The other gulls would pick single feathers from each other and use these to replace those that had been tugged out of the tortured seagull's body they used grass to mop and tie its wounds they patched its missing left eye with a glass bead and in seconds it was complete once again.

The paterfamilias.

The pit's a deep one with the emergency services leaving in boredom.

The self-indulgent prick of a man.

The sun was high in the sky being refracted in all directions by the riverbed slurry.

The tableau was still there the bodies moving slowly tossing and turning the ships disappearing nothing making very much sense.

The tourist season which brought people to the waterfalls and pools the magnetic termite mounds and the wildlife was still a month or two away but that didn't stop the occasional adventurers stopping along and asking for directions.

The voice was young late teens or early twenties.

Their conversations were often triangular in shape tapering to monosyllables from a reasonably informative base.

Their vocabularies wouldn't cope with it and nor would those of their environment.

Then I can't help you Keith.

There are games that I know we went to but I haven't been able to see us.

There was little or no point in them saying much.

There would be drills hammers saws.

There would be ten other people in the warehouse.

Therefore I am skilled at being unskilled.

Therefore I cannot be unskilled.

Therefore I have a skill.

Therefore I have no skill.

These leaps more often than not resulted in soft landings soft profitable landings but nevertheless they always seemed to come out of left-field.

They both walked through to the family room with Cokes in hand she touched his arm tingling the sun-worn hairs saying thank you quietly and explaining that they were both tired and if she was honest (which he wanted to believe was always true) they were also a little lost.

They tortured the odd seabird having shot it down with Razor' dad's air rifle - maybe six maybe seven over the years.

They'd drunk a reasonable brandy and Kinsey had gone home driven by one of the gorillas who had been shadowing them the whole night.

They'd even talk about reading;

magazines and that.

They'd known each other since primary school aged five a gang of two that attracted a wider membership on illustration of their particular forms of rucking.

They'd talk well Razor would talk Kinsey would listen about music football sex clothes anything that came into his mind.

This is stupid.

This means that he's always cold and forever shivering it also doesn't help that he's smooth skinned like a down-hill bike racer or a girl.

This was not what Kinsey did he didn't hum he didn't stare and he didn't wring his hands obsessively he certainly did not wipe his eyes with the back of his hand.

This was one of things that was dragging him down over and over again repeating the arguments looking for where the strength would come from the weaknesses.

This would call for pencils papers pencil sharpeners chalk rulers a pair of compasses.

Time for bed I reckon Tom was relieved it was ten thirty there was going to be football highlights on the box in ten minutes which was all the time he needed to get Kinsey up the stairs washed and dried and into bed.

Tommo why would someone be stupid enough to nick my Jaguar?

 a question strange un-Kinsey-like.

Tommy had been like that just after his second was born.

Tommy meandered into the kitchen the speed he'd taken as insurance was slicing away at him cutting into the hash haze.

Tommy was a man of habit he was also reliable.

Tommy was sitting one the couch's armrest and he leant over to get the joint.

Turning the sound down he opened an orange and mango juice and sat back trying to work out what was happening in front of his eyes.

Two backpackers girls no more than 18 or 19 years old were peering into the front hallway and speaking to each other using an accent that Mick was vaguely familiar with.

Until one morning Mick was watching Nickelodeon - he'd developed a taste for cartoons - and was interrupted by a knock on the front door.

Until Razor cracked his big toe broke it with pressure Stuart looked him in the eye.

Usually at the conclusion of a deal-that-didn't-look-like-a-deal Keith would take Tommy out to a Greek or Lebanese restaurant pull in the full mezza and explain some of what had been happening.

We are certain.

We could reel off the same spiel and make it sound good experienced but fresh every single time.

We covered angles like rampant bulls covered cows in season.

We got him to hospital we didn't touch anything else about him Tom stuffed more chocolate in and wondered whether Kinsey was going to finish rolling the joint.

We love it.

We put up in one of the outlying villages a small hotel on the riverbank quiet and alive with the local pool competitions barmaid chats and under-18s on the run from sobriety.

Well they didn't say a great deal.

We're certain or we don't get involved.

What a cutey of a county town that one is.

Whatever she reminded him but the woman from the movie wasn't a patch on her.

When the toe snapped however he threw up the puke bubbling in his upturned mouth.

When they tried to show us something we had to prove them wrong do it better do more of it do it larger and louder and do it more fucking certainly.

While Salazar enjoyed himself Jamie Reece was halfway down the M1 the new Motorola phone sitting on the seat beside him.

Who are we?

 That used to be the first question we'd answer before was put.

Who knew what Kinsey had been up to in the last day and a half?

 But getting K to do anything that he didn't want to was always going to be a battle.

With a brick with several bricks.

Had he had the time and the silence he might have thought of things like being alone or not being alone.

He was there all right right in front of his eyes fifteen yards away being held - his arms neck and back must have been killing him - but Keith couldn't see him.

Hello said the tall girl smiling the smile of a person who with little effort other than politeness and physical attraction was used to the world being kind to her.

Jaguar E-Type Range Rover Porsche Sunbeam Alpine Castrol M1 motorway Aston Martin Lagonda.

Now what do you think of me?

 It's a very un-English question I know but we're all young Europeans now aren't we?

.

Salazar sat on the plane happy scruffy in a dark blue suit with claret and blue tie brown shoes and a black belt

It was like his mother said about looking for something that you sometimes it was right in front of your face and you still couldn't see it

Keith couldn't really see Stuart Barlow

Keith Tommy Marcus Stevie B Lawrence Golder Mickey D strange Sarah who went on to a job in the city Paul McGuigan (who died at sixteen) Ian Ford (who joined the army and died in the Falklands) Hughie Parks (the musician who moved the Canada) Stuart Barlow (who never shut up) everybody

You probably have a wide experience of this country at least in comparison to your peers

Combining the assumed breakdown with the assumed friendship was enough for now

Except their game lasted until the fading daylight gave way to the lights from the overlooking towerblocks.

Her reaction was to smile slightly more than before and indicate her companion You wouldn't be able to let us have some water would you

But one thing did stand out Kinsey's lack of relationships with women.

You are not homosexual

What he did know was that Kinsey felt close enough to him to call from the depths of some kind of breakdown

He'd even tried programming a game but had given up when it began to eat up too much of his time while still looking like stick figures throwing twigs that disappeared on impact

It was a hazy database at the moment he had to make more links right now it was broken up data far from being information

To Kinsey FA Cup day meant more than Christmas and birthday where other people would involve themselves randomising the course of events outlandishly causing stress with their enjoyments.

FA Cup day finished with Kinsey and all the other kids on the street rushing outside as soon as the Cup had been raised to replay the game in the park.

Your taste in clothes is again limited by your ability to pay for them.

Snapping off a beak here twisting a wing slitting the dirty white body open with a penknife shooting out the eyes from greater and greater distances (having first pinned its wing-tips to a No Swimming sign with kitchen forks) removing feet burning feathers with matches trying to find the arsehole to split it with a Stanley knife blade (sometimes letting red ants crawl in after they'd shoved some chocolate in the widened hole) trying to locate the sex tying it with fishing twine rolling it in sand and petrol lighting it burying it up to its neck in the low-tide mud (or upside down or sideways so one wing flapped - they'd removed the other) drowning it in crabbed rock pools holding it to the exhaust pipe of one of the two Morris Oxfords that took the happy summer family to the coast (Razor would ask his dad for the keys his dad would give them and then return to the Daily Mirror) frying it slowly on the engine

Had he ever been less than busy - at least less than told what to do - a thought or two about what to do when one day he wasn't busy might have formed.

First impressions are to my mind pointed and exact most of the time.

He thought back to his childhood surrounded by brother after brother sister after sister cousin upon cousin and all their friends.

Nobody at school seems to be as excited as a Samuel about the arrival of his new baby sister.

Samuel is nine and the for the first time doesn't feel a year older.

What he could see was the building site the park his knees he could see his supper - toast Marmite tea - more clearly than Barlow

You are keen to extend yourself.

Carol pulled herself up to sit on the work surface and looked at him like a parent to a child She's frightened and that makes her very angry

You like Gabba.

Drinking champagne and coffee he played another Doom-style game on his Sony laptop

But none of these elements were connected they didn't make a whole

Hours they'd spend better than ants was Razor' comment better than torching ants you can't hear ants you've just got to imagine them.

I think you are an unemployed young man from the North of England who is reasonably well tapped into the zeitgeist

You are a youth of ambition blocked by an accident of birth that has financially disabled you

Now that day had come he was flummoxed and restless.

Your name is Jamie.

He could see Barlow's legs his arms his chest and neck his feet his ears his mouth chin cheeks thighs calves his scarf his grey short-sleeved shirt his blue jeans his socks his vest his pants his nipples and genitals

What's your name man?

 her voice harsh caustic red-headed even though she was brunette shot out of her mouth like tracer fire into a Xmas carol concert.

This time however the tray was wheeled in by such an unattractive figure that Salazar merely took the cart himself not even bothering with a tip - you could do that in England and he liked that.

Soon but a long time away Samuel's mother is delivered of a daughter for the boy waiting at home.

Computer games fascinated him because of the money that they were generating he'd seen the craze grow gone to the occasional trade show and read magazines on the subject.

She's frightened all the time and not just the kind of night fears or 'how do I pay the bills' fears that everybody gets.

She examined his face quickly and with little effort before taking in his thonged feet bleached out shorts and Budweiser T-shirt.

Bollocks to that.

You weren't much interested in school as an aside you are a Taurus you like tunes because of their immediacy you've tried to learn a musical instrument probably the guitar but have had your ambitions deflated through lack of funds.

Had Kinsey called when drunk or high on the drugs that he insisted on taking at the least opportune moments Salazar would have noted it saved it for later but this was different it was a sniff of a chance.

Sometimes thirty kids.

This means that your fears are not of experience

It was annoying to him that he didn't know Kinsey's birthdate when he got his driving license it was generally irritating that he didn't know how often Kinsey ate out whether he did so mid-week or only at weekends.

Salazar found that frequency analysis always seemed to throw up unexpected but useful results and was keen to harvest what he had so far

Every so often Salazar would have asked the young hotel servant into the room right into the melee you never knew when it would pay off.

You're called Jake Jake nodded smiled

You are not afraid to use your fists to make a point but only as a last resort

Maybe I don't like to be alone he said prodding the dog with his toe-ends

You have never been in prison

It was like Keith has opened a kit for a boat and had lost the picture from the box and had no interest in finding the instructions

He needed a chip sarnie and a tequila to get him started

He rinsed his face added moisturiser returned to the lounge room lit an Embassy Number 1 it was 5:45.

Tonight was a Thursday tomorrow he was returning to London in the car he had to get a new mobile phone from Iain tonight

Kinsey's mother would pretend not to understand the game the players or the occasion itself but Keith knew that when the Wembley suits had been shown off the final pre-game interviews carried out with old heads and young star-eyes whose dream it had always been to play in a Wembley FA Cup Final in the unnatural sunshine that always came with the game his mother would come in from the kitchen perch on the armrest of the sofa and say: I'll just watch the kick-off then I'll have to be getting on.

Another part of him dug into his reserves and prepared the statement he was about to make.

Every year would see presents of cold meats lemonade-heavy shandy pickled onions eggs and gherkins chocolate pudding maybe a crafty drag on one of her Benson and Hedges always the chance to swear at the TV.

Women enable me to synthesise dopamine.

Dr Kim Janda of the Scripps Institute in San Diego however thinks that he has come up with a method of stopping the effects of cocaine including may I add crack cocaine.

Kinsey wasn't sure that he really hated them.

Neither do I.

The next day's sun rose behind a huge bank of cloud that did more than threaten rain it promised it like a tax demand.

Although they were most definitely boss and worker the hard yards in that particular aspect of their relationship had never had to be called on.

What a bloody palaver.

She'd certainly never forced it on him anything but she was keen that he got out of doors active playing sport climbing trees riding bikes.

Her companion who was pouring glasses of water from the freezer's dispenser turned quickly Naomi please put the camera down and stop being so intrusive.

He plonked himself down on his recliner.

Went for me cousin's funeral about twenty years back

Kinsey turned around crunching the gravel and went back under the gables through the hardwood metal reinforced front door and into his sitting room surrounding himself with prints of Admiral Lord Nelson.

Self-pity is huge with me

But his family were strong stronger than Barlow's;

wider more together louder more popular more accepted more connected.

He has been experimenting on rats.

There had been more times than either of them cared to remember when they relyed on each other's council or more often than not each other's stable silence to get through a difficult time

He could understand why JC would want to move to the capital the kids would love it all that stuff all those other people and all those things to do.

All in all Kinsey calculated his mother must have stored up to five hundred books in her room in the loft scattered around the house even in the garage.

There was nothing else for it he would let himself die of the cold maybe his body would be preserved maybe even his brain.

Sorry love there was a pause during which Mick not even realising that he'd stopped to listen just out of view absolutley knew that something else was coming that she'd only regrouped

Now what's up for me?

 These were the kind of thoughts that ambled across Micks' brain as he supped the water and looked over the garden that now seemed to need so little doing to it.

The Winchester con involved shagging a liberal but cash-wealthy company out of cash that they would have thrown away on charity anyway

It took him slightly less than ten minutes to get everything sorted out Kinsey was capable of walking of climbing the stairs.

But until her death Kinsey never had her cracked up to be a reader.

He pulled a mineral water from the fridge and went outside to sit under the tree

The traffic had started again.

The next day they'd gone to a football match between two mediocre London teams packed with third-rate foreign imports and weasily looking English adolescents after which they'd visited various of Kinsey's East London haunts so he could show off.

Nothing out of the ordinary even the Chinese meal smacked of Anglophile repression - the waiters had insulted them Kinsey had smiled as if this was to be expected and as if he enjoyed it.

Funny that

Are you homosexual?

 It doesn't matter to me if you are I have experimented with it but I don't like it I prefer women there's something about women that sparks my circuits

Often times when involved down at Corky's house or at a shebeen round at Donnie's when the atmosphere had more grass than the local football oval he'd considered that the amount of havoc caused by one bloke full of too much piss compared to one sleepy smoker full of too much bullshit.

He hadn't been recorded except maybe once in a band he'd played in at school but that would tell them nothing other than he enjoyed music even in the future people would still understand music.

She never allowed him time to himself it was almost a sin in her book for him to stay inside the house save to watch sport on the television.

And it seemed silly for booze to be the legal one

I am a mediocrity.

They were mulling over figures drinking Evian and speaking in half whispers about pointage dollar-crosses and below-the-line calculations at the margin.

It wasn't as if he'd never seen reefer before.

Tommy showered him down and wrapped a dressing gown around him before lying him on his side facing away from the wall.

He loved Ricky and Lucy the way that while they were forever saying one thing and doing another they always seemed to mean the same thing

This'll do fine though.

Dog racing eating out Norman Wisdom Will Hay West Ham United game shows (The Price is Right Family Fortunes Catchphrase) It's A Knockout Jaguars Elephants Crocodiles England Old Speckled Hen bitter beer Easter his mother Tommy Mallion Tom Jones Bill Cosby Robert Cray The Commodores Lionel Richie Denzil Washington (not in Malcom X) Diana Ross Princess Diana Admiral Nelson The Bee Gees cleanliness brown hashish cocaine South Africa stamps Bridge Over the River Kwai The Longest Day The Italian Job Zulu driving long journies books on tape history geography.

He also knew that he could trust this man no matter where he was.

He couldn't sleep

We have taken the register and class is present.

You're from the South again nodding.

What a to-do.

Tropical storms were marvelous to watch extraordinary to hear and a complete pain in the arse to do anything in.

Much as he wanted the breakfast to knock him out or old age to take him or a rock to fall from space and bop him on the head - just hard enough to get him to supper-time - he remained resolutely awake.

He also preferred the black and white because people seemed to say more to each other and the adventures were wackier but more realistic at the same time.

Once JC and the boys had gone waving from the car until they rounded the bend by Divers Creek Mick put the phone in the kitchen draw under the sign that pointed to the charger and gave instructions on its use.

Northern-Euro-Trash the worst kind.

Five or six people people like us people who would have whÖ killed us ifÖ Kinsey finalising the joint cut Mallinson off knowing how the sentence would end

He's been celled up overnight once D & D and a bit naughty having that nasty cheap blow on you.

People walked by ignoring him

He didn't know how he was going to begin again.

The Lucille Ball Show was just starting on the TV it was a re-showing of the episode where Ricky bands Lucy from gambling in the Casino Royal in Monte Carlo which he'd seen the previous Monday but wanted to see again

I mean you know the bigoted small-minded leave it as it is complain complain complain people like those fuckheads on the bus last week or that marshbrain in the bar or that gaggle of knifeable sweethearts sitting at the cafe table stinking up my ears with their intolerant bullshit.

The river swept back in

He left the hall light on and went back downstairs where he skinned up another joint put his feet up on the coffee table sipped his tea.

Mick felt the rain and imagined it stacking up inside the clouds like so many million tiny liquid paratroopers.

He'd never really thought that much about having his own life.

He was getting tired of these people with their stupid bloody manners ordering him around getting in his way and generally not letting him get on with his life.

Get on your way mate as usual he didn't say anything with his eyes they were off in their own place the gaze over the palms and into the past or future.

However three rows in front of Salazar were two rock star looking youngsters.

Euro trash from the toes up they were also obsessing over a computer Salazar had seen Microsoft Excel's familiar face has he brushed past on his way to urinate

Homosexuals reggae music new agers Muslims Guardian newspaper psychologists Millwall football club Chelsea football club disloyalty absentmindedness Christmas Japan creosote celery alternative comedy income tax The Sex Pistols National Insurance Anthony Wedgewood Benn computers child molesters Hasidic Jews Picasso Ken Livingstone Germans Minis subtitles religion Spike Lee the media Paparazzi beggars students the Irish public transport (makes him feel poor) reading.

JC could never tell all he did know was that the present seemed only to play a third of a part in Mick's range of vision.

Barlow wasn't Jewish a lot of the lads there were Jewish Martin Miller was Jewish and he was holding Barlow's left wrist tugging it every so often then ensuring that Stuart didn't topple over.

His mobile rang and he switched it off.

He's aware of the moment

I don't really care either

Mr Hughes knows this kind of thing

Turing was homosexual.

They didn't want to move away from the area.

Who do we want to win?

.

They wouldn't know nobody had ever written anything down about him or for him

Lying back now full length on his sofa he didn't get it at all.

But he couldn't watching the video now feel that he hated Pompey

But that was par for the course if stupid you could get that in Bristol or Birmingham

Normally he would drive himself to the airport but at such short notice and with so much to get straight before he could close this deal he needed all the time he had left to think.

Cocaine explained Jake B as they sat down plays with the dopaminergic synapses.

All that bloody money

You are from the North aren't you?

 Yorkshire?

.

I've known people from the North who are very very wealthy.

I have a particular paradox that has driven me since I was a young boy which goes as follows:.

He hadn't been filmed and his family photographs were run-of-the-mill giving away nothing but seasides birthdays and Christmas.

I seek out biographies or self-pitying folk

It was if one child was all the man needed the others were dragged in behind when he wasn't looking distractions.

Nice place I guess.

I'd be more than happy to live and love their gun-happy way of life and drill each and every one of the Nazi worm-minds

The notes were often followed by exclamation marks small doodles of faces knives and stars and the word No appeared a great deal.

Martin Miller didn't bat an eyelid.

Oh well it can't be helped now he looked down at the dog who looked back up at him with a lack of interest refined over ten years of not too hard work.

With only blank faces and new things to stare at he could reinvent himself as an entirely new human being

It can't be said in any honesty that Mick was unprepared for this it can be said that he was disheartened by it.

He wasn't a photograph keeper either he lost them or gave them away.

Now the headmaster would like to address the class Kinsey would look stern dressed in a double-breasted grey worsted suit with a plain red tie

Kinsey was part of that family on his mythical father's side he seen the way that Razor acted at home how his father indulged his elder son's tempers and demands at the expense of his three sisters two brothers and mother

Yeah looks good Mick wasn't the most forthcoming of blokes and didn't have much time for mobile phones or hi-tech TVs and videos.

They took up three houses on the street spreading gently like a thick fog that you only noticed when you were in the middle of it.

Simple con;

all you need is a video Mr Hughes' London contacts for a decent piece of letterhead some suitably heart-rending letters and the right time.

My self-pity is fuelled by these books and films because of course I don't have the talents of these people.

If I had my own way all the stuid people would be dead Naomi was sitting with her back to the wall a sensibly sized spliff in her left hand

Lovely JC.

Neither do I.

He could feel Kinsey shaking has he shoulder-led him to bed.

I seen it up there mate.

And I'd recycle their bodyparts to provide some decent nutrients for a heavenly host of trees to clean the mess in the air their that farting lips make.

He could know who he was by finding himself in entirely alien surroundings.

But still and all he didn't like the idea of drugs being used in his place.

Even Mrs Mary who never seemed to like much that often couldn't wait to get to the city with the lottery money

School is in.

He could come to consciousness decades later and start all over again.

He'd never had a particularly good time in Portsmouth there had been numerous rucks and minor tussles nothing to write home about not like Millwall Scouse Geordie or Leeds.

Even the local cops turned a blind eye to the locals as long as they kept it discrete and didn't rope the kids in.

Jesus most of his mates toked the odd joint every so often;

there were small crops of the stuff all the way up and down the highway in both directions

The Jeffers were well off in there way they made their cash in the business athletics of ducking and diving bobbing and weaving picking things up here investing them there helping out bigger mobs taking fees from smaller.

Could you leave now he tried not really wanting to lose them but equally wanting to return to some sense of normalcy.

There they sat male/female-female/male in banzai head-scarves tasselled black suede bum-freezer jackets half covering ironic Mickey Mouse and Futurama T-shirts and cowboy boots for fuck's sake

Andre Salazar's secretary had booked flights to Gatwick arranged for accommodation at the Dorchester organised the currency and had the car waiting before Salazar had finished cancelling his evening's entertainment.

His life had always been largely tied up with other people's.

His address book was renewed every year so this one was coming to the end of its lifespan.

While he waited for the call to connect he lit a cigarette and tore some notepaper from the pad stuck next to the phone.

He turned to the 'S' entries picked the phone from the wall and dialled a number in France.

He was crying again but this time it was more controlled almost harmonic.

Despicable man.

She laughed and then put on a heavy male accent You're a good sort aren't you love?

Even into the future he would know nothing he would be a freak he would be studied and assessed examined and explored until they new everything about him

He flicked the TV to video and hit play to restart the West Ham Greats compilation that he'd been watching the night before

The plane was half-empty first class only speckled with Hugo Boss Paul Smith D& G YSL Adrienne Landau and HermÈs most people were travelling alone immersed in the Financial Times Wall Street Journal News Week or Cosmopolitan

They would be able to find out things about him that even he didn't know or didn't admit to himself of knowing

Colin was his lad and Colin knew it from early on.

They would always sit together on FA Cup day especially back in the 1970s when the day would begin at some ungodly hour with It's A Knockout and Top of the Form the opposing sides made up of fans of the teams that were going to compete in the afternoon's game

Rats are excellent animals very intelligent not in the way that we think about intelligence not the kind of intelligence that MI6 go after or Alan Turing was trying to discover when he cracked the Enigma Code of course Turing didn't adhere to the codes that you should adhere to.

So JC had put some money aside for the older man ensured that the house was in order with bills paid.

He was all there and honest as he needed to be during a working day that consisted largely of gardening and looking after the JC kids.

I like that.

Now they were struggling with good-byes.

Tasty grub but I couldn't be doing with it.

All of her extensive library were well thumbed gone over again and again occasionally with pencilled margin notes in an untidy hand that slid from left-slant to right from capitals to joined-up lower case form strong to hardly visible.